For those of you that don't know December first was a really great day for us. After a miscarriage (chemical pregnancy) at 5w4d September 30 Rob and I got a positive pregnancy test on December 1st. I was floored, had no idea. I immediately started to get more tired, sore breasts, lack of sleep, etc... Dr put me on Progesterone to try to help this little one stick. I am a dreamer so I of course started right away dreaming about our little boy or little girl again. Thinking about names and paint colors. We did tell a few of our close friends and family because that feeling is not something you can keep inside.
Dec, 6 2010 (last night) I had sharp pains in my right side and then in my left. I thought my pants were too tight from all the bloating. So I changed into my PJ's and laid down taking deep breaths. I went upstairs toward the end of the night and decided to take another pregnancy test so I could have a dark one for that baby book I was dreaming about. 3 min later I hit the floor crying. This can not be happening again. NO PINK LINE. Well I know how this goes. That means my beta levels have dropped again and I will start bleeding soon. Man this stinks. I prayed really hard and had my husband pick up more tests. Maybe it was just a fluke, a bad test. Well I tested again at 6:45 am with two tests one with lines and one digital. Ugh that big fat negative digital test is the worst. To go from PREGNANT to NOT PREGNANT in 4 days. Man oh man.
Well it is only 8 am Dr. opens at 9 but I know how this goes so I am blogging to get it out of my head and on paper. I truly believe someday I will be able to show my son or daughter how hard I tried and how badly I wanted them. But today I just feel like a failure. I hate having to tell my amazing husband my body couldn't handle this one either, but as my Mom said at least they know something is not right and maybe this time will take it seriously. That's what I'm praying for.
For all the ladies out there trying, please don't give up, I don't plan on it either, I will just need a few days to re-coup.