Thursday, April 18, 2013
Tonight is just not a good night. I cant stop crying pity me tears. I feel empty, I feel like no one can understand what I'm going through. I'm angry that I feel like this stuff never ends for me. I just want to enjoy my family. My husband is out of town and I'm stuck in this quiet house while the baby is sleeping with just my thoughts. I get that I'm obsessed with researching, and it doesn't help that there is not much positive info on this stupid tumor, and that I have to wait till the end of May to get any answers at all.But how are you not supposed to think about it? How are you supposed to put it aside and move on with everything else like there is not something major going on in your head? I just found myself falling to my knees praying that God can take this from me. I don't want to think about it I don't want to be "sick" with anything. I want to enjoy this pregnancy and all that comes with it and not think about all the crap that comes with a tumor. I pray that I'm over reacting or that this is all a dream. Tonight I don't want to be a military wife. I don't want to be this far away from family. Its a horrible feeling to look at the clock and realize its midnight and there is no one you feel like you can call and just boo hoo too. I really needed a hug tonight and it makes me miss my husband (my best friend) more than anything tonight. I cant stop the tears they just keep pouring out. My heart hurts, I feel like a horrible mom to my sweet baby girl that has no clue what is going on. She doesn't deserve this empty momma she has right now. I'm praying that I can get some energy in the next few days and stop feeling like a total mess. I don't want to feel this way and I know its not healthy.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Just when I thought I was in the smooth sailing zone.... Sweet one year old, handsome husband, new baby on the way.... Smack!!! Wake up call Ansley YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL! After a scary day in the hospital with stroke like symptoms I have been told I have a non cancerous Brain Tumor. Your hearing this as early as I am, and are probably as in shock as I am. I had my cry, woe is me pitty day and now its time to tackle this in Summerville fashion. We do not know the next step although it is likely surgery. I feel great at the moment, and have had no further symptoms. I will have an appointment in the next few weeks with a neurologist that will give us more answers. Baby Elliana is fine and perfectly healthy. We are going to just take one day at a time and pray for God to continue to walk us through this path. He has not let us down yet and I have no doubt he will get us through this next bump in the road. If you read this and know me, you know all I ask from you is PRAYER. We know we can not get through this alone and we are not in control of this situation. I hope to be back on here soon to update with good news!
SOOOOOOOOOOOO Its been a while. Let me catch you up with the last few months. Adaleigh is 14 months and a walking, talking ball of fun! We are currently 21 weeks pregnant with our second daughter Elliana that we conceived using ABSOLUTLY NO FERTILITY TREATMENTS!! We could not be more excited to add another sweet baby to our family. I am feeling great and have a good amount of energy still. I try to get outside with Adaleigh everyday and walk or play. Elliana is a breath of fresh air and a constant reminder that GOD IS GOOD every time she kicks! Rob is adjusting to the life of all girls well :) and I can not wait to have our family of four all together.