Trying to give IT to GOD!

DISCLAIMER (this is a personal blog if your not TTC this may be TMI for you)

This has been a tough week for me... I am still waiting for my first AF (Aunt Flo) since our miscarriage in September. I have been really trying to Give it to God and just know he is taking care of things. Easier said than done, as I can't seem to get it off my mind. Every symptom must be a pregnancy symptom (even though it most likely is not) But because my mind is racing all the time it feels like it. Ugg even after church today when our pastor spoke so much truth on faith and committing our lives "WHOLEHEARTEDLY"  I had a major breakdown in the car on the way home from lunch. I want sooooo badly to not think about babies. I pray about it all the time , I just want to wake up without the urge to look at baby stuff online, take a test or analyze my symptoms. It seems no mater how hard I try I cant stop thinking about them. I know I am struggling with this too, but wanted to give you some of the words from my pastor today, because even though I struggle with this concept I know it is true. If you are struggling with this or anything else in your life, I hope this lifts you up. 

We need to and want to be Wholeheartedly committed to the Lord. One of the Scriptures used today was Joshua 14:8 "For my part, I wholeheartedly followed the Lord my God." '

What does Wholeheartedly really mean? 

Wholehearted means to close the gap or to get within range. 

3 Characteristics of Wholehearted Devotion:

1: commitment  

2: confidence

3: courage

My favorite thing from today's sermon was this : Faith-believing God is who He said He is, and He'll do everything He promised He'd do. 

I DO trust that the Lord has a plan for Rob and I and our future children, and I DO know that it is much better then the plan I have concocted in my head. This week I will try to focus more on the Word and my faith and less on what I want and how I want it. 

I hope this has encouraged anyone that feels like I do. 

HOW DID WE GET HERE?

TADA...... 2 weeks later we got 2 pink lines. September 18, 2010...We couldn't believe it happened that fast. We thought for sure it would take at least 4-6 months. We couldn't hold back our excitement and we told everyone, i mean everyone!! Including announcing it on Facebook.

A couple of days later I was reading the What to Expect When Your Expecting blogs and started seeing all the blogs about the May moms (my due date) having miscarriages. Although I didn't think that would ever happen to me, I started checking for blood every time I went to the bathroom. (Sorry if TMI) I started to feel like maybe we jumped the gun by telling everyone so soon.

About 6:30 A.M on September 30th 2010 about 5 1/2 weeks pregnant I saw what I was dreading, BLOOD AND A LOT OF IT.  I immediately panicked and started bawling. Rob rushed in and hugged me trying to make me feel better. Something in my gut just said this was not going to end well. We had a ton of amazing family and friends supporting us over the next three days. I had so many people tell me they bled during their pregnancy and I was going to be fine.

Monday October 4th 2010 I got the dreaded news that we had a miscarriage. I was beside myself, I didn't know how to tell Rob. I felt like it was all my fault at first knowing that it was my body that rejected it. I know now that this is all part of Gods plan and we are going to be just fine. But at that moment in time I felt like my world was crumbling around me.

GOOD NEWS: We had our first check up about 10 days post miscarriage and the Dr. gave us the go ahead to start trying again! So here we are this is our blog on our journey to parenthood. Someway somehow someday we will be parents, it is all up to the Lord and I am so glad you are all here to watch it unfold!

ONE OF THE BIGGEST DECISIONS WE EVER MADE

So I can honestly say I have been dreaming about being a mom since I was a child. I just felt the lord built me to be a mom. After Rob and I got married I immediately got the baby syndrome, even though I thought we wanted to wait at least 3-5 years. About every couple of months I would snuggle up to Rob real sweet and whisper "Wanna have a baby?" His response was always "ha ha no!" UGG after two years had gone by (that felt like forever in baby syndrome years) I was frustrated, but I didn't let it show. I always prayed that God would tell Rob when the time was right! Well three months ago at dinner Rob said " So I think I finally realized I'm 25!" " I look at kids different now, every time I see a little girl running around I just melt" We decided to jump on what Rob felt like was the Lord putting it on his heart to have children.

IN THE BEGINNING...

Rob and I met Easter weekend 2006, through a mutual friend. I knew two weeks later Rob would be my husband. The two things that I fell in love with first were: #1 Our first serious talk (a walk on the beach) Rob asked me how I was saved. I knew I had met a Godly man and I could wear my faith with pride! #2 I asked Rob about his family... (when he asked me about mine I responded with the usual, I have two sisters but they get on my nerves kind of response) Robs response was one I will never forget : " I have 4 beautiful sisters and a really cool brother that is adopted from Korea, and the most amazing mother anyone could ever ask for," I know I know brought you to tears too! One problem with this relationship... HE LIVED IN PENNSYLVANIA AND I LIVED IN FLORIDA!!!! Well I booked a flight to visit Rob in PA about 3 weeks later. I got to hang out with that amazing family he talked about and two weeks after that Rob picked up and moved to Florida! As I like to say the rest is HISTORY!! We got married June 6 2008 exactly two years after Rob moved here. I could not ask for a more loving, compassionate, GOD LOVING, amazing husband!! I am honored to be Mrs. Summerville and can not wait for the next 50+ years!